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The protosuocera - part one -

The Christmas season is also the time when families are together anymore. It is also the time that many men choose to introduce the new girlfriend to his mother.
See this poor street all decorated with bows, fresh hair and with the ubiquitous poinsettia in hand, his face full of hope.
My dear, if you think of trading a plant with a child, forget it. You
of intruders, and that's it. You just have to hope that the mother could not wait to shake the kid in my back. In that case would still be of intruders, but no one will ever hurt you for fear that the parcel is returned to sender.

Halt! But stop. I'm not going to fire on the Italian national monument: the mother. God forbid. A thousand blessings to all the mothers of the world. Except that sometimes it's the combination that does not work. That particular mothers with special sons, I mean.
Obviously they see as the best combination possible, but everyone else is left of Krakatoa.

My ex-emplari so far described have several things in common. I can think of three: me, this blog and not a mother. My first
protosuocera - so call the mother of my ex, that never become real in-law, for Fortunately - it was a trauma. But not wishing me a favor: he has prepared for the worst, and after her, I never feared anyone or anything.

protosuocera The first question that I did after the pleasantries was "what is your job and how much you earn." Let
well. For a moment I feared that I would have asked if I had calculated what I would take a pension.
Whenever I had a discussion and son, summoning me to court and I was giving a lesson on how to make a man feel comfortable. Too bad that she had left her soon after marriage.

Mother and son together, my eyes were revolting. It pecked, he turns around and kissing like two sweethearts.
Once he and I were on the phone engaged in a sterile debate night. I was just telling him badly that his relationship with his mother seemed morbid and stifling. And he retorted:
"What do you mean, how dare you, I'm an adult and independent!"
Then he heard a sleepy voice behind a babbling stuff like "Cicco, do not get mad."
For a moment I hoped that he was in bed with a lover. But no.
Cicco put his hand in front of the receiver and whispered: "Do not worry Mum, now sleep."
The man slept in Latvian and independent adult with mom!

mammome One evening he invited me to dinner to celebrate a very important professional goal. He was beaming and it was not complacent. I do it to him and in the meantime let me dedicate a magnificent lobster imperial joy.
At one point he stopped, looked at me with pathos and said with a wink:
"Now I'm missing one thing to feel really accomplished."
Oh no, I thought, if it pulls out the ring I've got all fingers that taste of lobster! But
announced: "I just have to buy a fur coat for my mother."
At first I felt some relief for the failure to propose that I would not really know what to say. Then I rewind.
"A fur for your mother?"
"Yes, a mink, long". The
vongolone had the voice that trembling.
"But, sorry ... in what sense?"
"Why such a fur coat is a symbol."
"But of what?"
"Like what? Of the fact that you got something out of life. And my mother deserves it."
"I do not doubt it. And the fact that my mother has a fur mouse ... is a symbol of what?"
"Are you stupid."
"Excuse me, but because their fur? Why not a cruise or do a Cartier watch? The furs are out now. Maybe it was a status in the 80's. But now he just puts them off for the Ripa di Meana in front of everyone and show that under she is naked. "
"You have spoken well. They were a status in the 80's. And my father left my mother 81. This does not tell you anything? "The
mammozzo now seemed almost dangerous with that little trickle of drool at the mouth.
" Ok, ok. Buy Mink'm your mama. "
decided to shut up because I realized that at dinner there were three: me, Cicco and Oedipus. But luckily there was still half lobster in the pot that made me winking.

Later I and the ex-emplare we parted. He took a bit 'evil, indeed a lot. But I prepared myself to enjoy a new life as my phone rang.
was the mother of Oedipus! invited me to dinner that evening a "conversation between women, not men in their feet."
I accepted and went to his house, wondering if I could see the noose very throat. Damn good education. The now ex
protosuocera was friendly and polite than he had ever been. Throughout the dinner, insisted that drank wine, beer, champagne. And I kept saying that they are sober. At the end of the way for levarmela accepted a glass of limoncello. Double check that the empty and then stood in front of me kind judge for preliminary investigations.
"Come on, now that we're friends you can tell me, did you know another?"
friends? But who knows?
"No, ma'am, just me and her son did not agree"
"Yeah okay, I understand some things.'re Already with him?"
Message not received.
"No ma'am. Not I left him for another. E'che not .. "
" You think it's stupid? Mica you let someone like my son, with his position, to stand alone. Who is, come on, your colleague? "
" But madam, for heaven's sake .. "
While she is drawing ever nearer, like the hag Goonies, I heard a slight noise behind me. I jumped up and asked" What was that? ".
The mad had the face of Bernardo Provenzano. A sphinx.
" I have not heard anything. "
" But I will. "
left the kitchen, just in time to see a shadow slipped into the bathroom and closed the door.
Holy saints. These two were a criminal. While his mother tried to get me Drinking and then confess, Ciccio was behind the door to eavesdrop.
And if indeed I had another and I had said? What would they do? I would have cut into pieces and put in the freezer next to the Findus sticks?
I escaped from the house, saying only, "you must be healed."
While I was in the elevator I could hear the Mephistophelean shouting "I want to see where you find someone like my son with his posizioneeeeee One."
Yes, the position of the koala.

Today this former emplare still lives with his mother. I saw them not long ago who were walking arm in arm, laughing and joking. She wore a long mink coat, in perfect 80's. Indeed 81.

No Garbagedisposaldishwasher

About Gift

Back to us and staying in the theme of "Christmas gifts", I decided to take a break from holiday to comment this post appeared on a popular forum and segnalatomi from a reader. As a result some excerpt:

Hello, I'm new, I am writing because I was too hurt x gift received by my man (who is not only my x because he now lives with his wife and children).
I had asked a toy poodle puppy, and he arrived yesterday morning in a hurry (had dinner in the evening with his wife and various relatives) with a mixed medium size taken to the kennels.
Initially I did not realize it had taken to the pound, and it was my sister to find out. To me this dog do not like, and if a person asks you for a poodle, if you do not want to spend 600 euro, you better not take any dog \u200b\u200b(...)

Now, I do not feel I look after the dog, my little sister the is trying to look after her, but is not that much going, and my mother gave me the fool to stay with a man like this, who sits with one foot in two shoes for two years.
Now is also a matter of principle. The dog if he is to bring him away! You as you behave in my place?
just let this man? and 'unreliable a guy like that?
and I have 29 years because I have to stay with someone who lives with his wife, and then at Christmas makes me gifts that he wants to spend no x? "
hello and thank you. Tintin


So things to say about this post there is an infinity. I would begin to flow from the grammar, but forget it and move on.
It 's true that I suggested to ask specifically Christmas gift to her man, but here it notched a bit'. I guess this
Squinzi in pink garter belt at a time that some 'special requests for this chicken, "I love you, but you would do anything for me?"
And he, more dead than alive, which says "all, ask me anything."
"I want a toy poodle."
The guy must have thought, "Yes, the remedy for a poodle. Pure nano, maybe cheaper". The must
taken to be a disorder when the pet shop's have sent the price of the beast.
"No, oh well, maybe review."
He ran the shelter, the poor, and grabbed the first puppy, how much less white and a little 'curl. Or maybe who knows, caused him to make a permanent basis. Then it was presented in the home of Tintin, which fell all gloating, and gave the beast with many good wishes and a little 'home in a hurry because his wife had already dropped the spaghetti.
guess these three hysterical: Tintin, mother and sister, they discover the crime and take to inveigh against the impostor, who by then had turned off the phone, was catapulted to buy a perfume for wife and mother-in-law for the cologne, and finally was able to dive in the spaghetti with seafood.

But still, dear Tintin, you realize that with 600 € the poor we pay a mortgage payment, or the daughter's braces, or an annual subscription to the gym of his wife?
And then I asked for a brilliant, I can understand that the pezzotto angry, but tell me 'what did a toy poodle is missing in this puppy. Both are poop and pee, both are Bow Wow, and probably the bastard is in a bit more cute toy poodle, with all due respect.

But I'm afraid this is not the point. Here we have a twenty nine year old who wants a dog with a pedigree near a phony and a fake before the trim and then, to stay in theme, sits at the table with his family to celebrate Christmas.
We also have a mother instead of quieting his daughter with two sganassoni, close the room and throw away the key, he gets angry with the puppet that keeps "one foot in two shoes" (they say two feet in a shoe, anyway). Ah, I forgot, we also have a sister who discovers the scam and lie to the poor puppy.

Tintin asks for advice, but I know that what they really need is just the dog: puppy power, not give up. Stay in that house and not fartici unrivet even with the bulldozer. Make a bit 'of coaxing and gentle eyes. When you realize that those three are the only male willing to bear it, you will become the undisputed master of the house.

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Under the streets of Bologna

Today I'll tell you a short walk, a couple of hours in all, along a waterway unknown to most people who use it every day and go through.

From wikipedia

" Marcus Vitruvius Pollio ( Latin Marcus Vitruvius Pollio c. 80 / 70 BC - 23 BC ) was a architect and writer Roman . former officer Superintendent of war machines in Giulio Cesare and architect-engineer under Augusto (he had designed and built the basilica of Fano ), is the only Latin writer of architecture whose work has come down to us. "

Vitruvius is also the name of an association of Bologna, which has among its purposes a purpose for me extraordinary: to link physical activity and culture. This goal was attained in full! A walk of about seven hundred meters and went back seven hundred meters, eight meters deep in the heart of bologna oldest, Etruscan and Roman then, but it is not only a walking path, is also a play and a history lesson.

I left that area of \u200b\u200btown called Hell just entered the Jewish ghetto. A group of talented actors and musicians, explains the true origins of the Divine Comedy (in Bologna is hilarious!) And then through a large trap door go down underground. Here I find myself in a very long tunnel at one side of which flows a stream, the Aposa.

go up the river looking at the diversity of architectural styles used at various times to close the stream, from the Roman bridge, pointed arch, the barrel vault.

As I walk the actors recite reconstructing the ages that meet, and the guide tells of old challenges with the Venetians, the industrial revolution in Bologna and the leading role of the Aposa. It tells how Bologna had its port and through locks and canals were reached by boat from here to the Po and the sea, Venice, and then the whole world.

At the end of the road date back to an iron staircase and comes out in Piazza Minghetti and following musicians Going back, this time on the surface, the path forward, as people Outdoor seating in bars and restaurants of downtown looks surprised this secular procession through the streets of the city.

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nine-day Israel, Thursday


Morning dedicated to close the bags and especially to get out of Tel Aviv. I can walk a few kilometers due to the fact that too many signs of road signs are mostly in Hebrew and ask for information to passers-by when they too are difficult to navigate, as both the airport, is one of the most important arteries of Tel-Aviv, Ben Gurion are called. I Arrival at the last tank of fuel and return the car to Hertz. Fill a few forms for insurance and now began an impressive series of controls, perhaps more accurate than those suffered before entering Israel, culminating in the departure for Vienna. Oddly
vegetarian meal is edible.
Landing late, so I have to run the boarding and Bologna I discover that my suitcase is still in Vienna, not bad considering that I have my house keys with me and my suitcase is conveniently delivered to your home next day.

Israel has been a fascinating country, deeply religious and secular alike, from the naturalistic point of view, the south is fantastic, alternating the rocky desert to lush oases, to say nothing of the Dead Sea and Red Sea. Almost everyone speaks English and even though the standard approach with foreigners is distrust, we show kindness and finally, an exquisite and I'm talking about both Israeli Jews and Israeli Arabs. The food is good everywhere, and prices may be less expensive than in Italy.

I hope these few travel notes you do come, the curiosity about a destination so exotic and western at the same time. Enjoy your trip!

Midland Alan 42 Show Frequency

Israel-eight days, seven days-Wednesday


After waking up a few miles back to return to visit the canyon En Avdat, beautiful trip, suitable for all, with a minimum altitude. Gently up the river date back to the wall that closes the valley with its waterfall that plunges into a pond. The place is idyllic, a company of young people around 20 years, enjoys the edge of the lake. A couple of them a gun military, which is customary here in Israel, but continues to make me more effective. At the top edge of the canyon I see even an antelope with the little one.
back in the car to reach the last stage of the journey, Tel Aviv. After all this I find myself in the desert traffic of a metropolis, I lose hours to find the Metropolitan Hotel, and as icing on the cake din the rear window in a parking lot. Fortunately, the hotel is very good (maybe better than that of Eilat) and near the beach. The temperature difference with the south of the country is strong: it is too cold to swim so I take a long walk on the beach to the big looking for a restaurant for the evening. I take some photos at sunset on the Mediterranean and finally I go to eat, again fine.

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Israel, Tuesday


The journey south is over, I head north, following the left side of the imaginary triangle Tel-Aviv/En Gedi / Eilat / Tel-Aviv. With regret for not having used the jacuzzi and swimming pool, I leave Las Vegas, that is, Eilat, Timna Park next step in the Negev Desert, a spectacular natural park. Rocks shaped by time, colored canyon, copper mines, and more keep me busy for a couple of hours.
long journey north and a rocky, mountainous landscape, I reach the edge of the crater Mitza or Makhtesh Ramon, a deep crater 200-300 m wide, 10 km long and 40 km. After lunch I get to the site Avdat, successive periods in ancient Jewish city, Nabataean, Roman and Byzantine periods. Are 16.00 and therefore is already closed, but since there are still tourists who are visiting, the exceptionally reopen just for me.
The stage success is the grave of Ben Gurion's first head of government of the newborn state of Israel and eventually reach the kibutz of Sade Mashabim about 30 kilometers south of Beer Sheva, the capital of this region. The restaurant is divided into two rooms: one in the meat you eat, you eat and in the milk (more kosher so hard!) Any way you eat well. Finally, the bed waiting for me.

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Israel-six days, Monday


do not know if it happens to you, but when they are near a boundary I have a particular feeling, are in a country, and already breathing a different air, which is not that of the territory that I'm going to reach and even that is no longer the place I'm leaving ... here in Israel is a bit 'almost always the case here in Eilat and the feeling is amplified by the triple border between Israel, Jordan, Egypt. Even on the Jordanian shore of the Gulf of Aqaba has been exposed a huge flag is clearly visible from Eilat, to underline that Israel is a Western enclave in this part of the world.
Day windy, marine observatory dedicated to the park, do not forget that Sharm-el-sheik is only three and a half hours by car.
The observatory is a tower that is immersed for a few tens of meters deep in the waters of the Gulf and the lower floors have glass windows, from which the barrier is observed for 360 degrees. The water park also has several ponds which are home to sea turtles, sharks and other denizens of the sea. After so much wind, then I lie on a table under an umbrella, in the vain expectation that I'll be wanting to make a dip.
At the end of the day, after showering in all ghingeri go out for dinner, venturing from super luxury hotels, shops, bright, almost dark restaurants. The dinner was mediocre after that you are sleeping.

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Israel-five days, Sunday


Day a bit 'busy! I wake up early (around 5 am) and walk through the Ein Gedi Kibbutz admiring the beautiful Botanical Gardens which are hosted succulents that come from all over the planet. The show is fascinating, there is only desert around, but where I am, there are lush plants with many birds that live there. Taking the machine after a few miles of desert canyon to reach the Ein Gedi, another fantastic place, where alternate waterfalls and natural pools, always surrounded by mountains of sand and rocks.
The second step now is the mythical Masada, beautiful fortress overlooking the Dead Sea. Despite the cable car I decide to walk up and down, the heat is not excessive and the walk is nice. The remains of the city are beautiful, and there is also a model that explains how the collection of rainwater. I inevitably the question arises whether the suicide of all the inhabitants of Masada, to escape the siege of the Roman troops, it has been decided by all or a senseless slaughter was carried out by the besieged themselves, for fear of who knows what consequences.
leaving this beautiful city, finally reaches the Dead Sea. I dreamed of this moment in the design stage of the journey and the wait was not disappointed! Slip into this water salty that prevents you from sinking is one of the most relaxing things I've tried. The place is typical tourist, with all the advantages of restaurants, bars, shops, but there is confusion and (unfortunately) a few hours spent here I regenerate. And thank goodness! In fact, I now expect 250 km of desert in the dark (by the way, the starry sky of the desert is breathtaking) to reach Las Vegas, that is, Eilat, where I now strangely Americana Hotel (the best so far) have dinner and go to sleep after a magnificent shower.